Visitor in Visby 1: Adam is wrong about pizza and I sing Jamiroquai

Many people live on this planet. Between them the only thing they share is that they have many different opinions. Some are of the opinion that our Earth is flat and the moon landing faked. Others believe peanut butter pickle sandwich makes a delicacy, and strangest of all are individuals that feel packing your bags at 1:02 AM before your day of departure comes off as rather irresponsible. These people are friendly reminded that their opinions, although endearing, are wrong.

 

It is 8:15 AM as we load my luggage from the car onto the airport trolley. My mother has already started the waterworks without me. Even my father, otherwise so restrained, couldn’t stop a coating of dew forming around his eyes when we said our goodbyes back home. There at the airport, I wanted nothing more than to burst out into tears and show my mother some affection and a little appreciation for all she did for me. But apart from being a 23-year-old who’s had enough, leaving behind the prehistoric dirt-heap that is my home town together with the accumulated stress of answering 200 emails on the subject of my studies, apartment and flight bookings, I wasn’t embarrassed about leaving with but a kiss and a wave.

“The quickest way to impress my mother is to rob a bank, because you’ll appear on television.”

The man sitting next to me has fallen asleep. From the paper he was reading I deduced he was working in cyber security; as I am a games programmer it wasn’t hard to start a conversation. We chatted for a while about why we went to Sweden (he was going to a conference).

There is no in-flight movie so I produce my notebook from my handbag and decide to work on my comedy. I’ve recently started writing comedy as a creative exercise, though I do it mostly as a means to relax. The sketch I’m writing is about “Titanic Cruises”, a cruise company for romantic tours. Halfway on your journey, when your partner and you have grown sick of each other’s company, we’ll sink the whole shamoala and rekindle you over shared memories of narrowly escaping a horrible death. Or, your partner bolts off and you’ll know they don’t love you anymore.

 

“There’s UFOs in this picture if you don’t know what clouds are.”

Here’s some tips to get you through a boring wait:

• Learn the lyrics to your favorite song.
• Sing along to your favorite song. Don’t worry about strangers thinking you’re weird, they’re weird.
• Imagine what your life would have been like if you ran away with that girl to Germany and started a snail farm with your best friend Abby the octopus.
• Write comedy and fantasize about the fame and sex appeal you’ll be getting from your travel blog.
• Think about the horrible things you have done.

Or you could always take 4 hours to tell your friend every detail about your 2 weeks of summer camp. Yes, I was doing this trip together with my friend Julius who is following the same exchange program as me. He’s not my best friend though, he’s not an octopus.

               Now I would love to make this blog just about summer camp. It was quite literally the most amazing time of my life. If you’re from the Netherlands, you’re between the age of 11 and 25 and you’d like to meet new people, search for “JNM – Jongeren in de Natuur”. You don’t even have to like nature, that will grow on you. JNM is so good it will ruin the rest of your life. Sadly, this blog isn’t about summer camp: it’s about what Sweden is like so my friends and family may stop asking me about it.

 

“Julius didn't want to be in the picture, so I covered him up with Abby."

“This was on a lamp post where we were waiting for our bus. It made me laugh.”

 

You can’t pay for the bus with cash or card on Visby apparently. Luckily, we convinced the driver to take us on by looking very foreign and dumbfounded. We were eager to get to our apartments so we could finally drop our baggage.

 

“The olden city walls, as seen from the bus.”

 

We walked to Julius’ apartment as well and dropped off his gear there. It was really nice of him to not constantly mention over and over how annoying it was that his quarters were a 20-minute walk away from the city center as opposed to my 5-minute walk, which I want to clarify is something he definitely didn’t do.

 

Meanwhile it was 7:30 PM and we needed food. We aimed for a pizzeria in the city center because I had heard about Swedes constructing the boldest pies, and as we passed through the gates of yore, the word ‘pittoresque’ would forever find new meaning in our hearts.

 

“All kidding aside this place really is a beaut.”  

 

When we arrived at our pizzeria though, it looked very fancy and even we could see this was expensive by Swedish standards. If not for Julius’ Visby-an acquaintance we may just have given them our money, but luckily, he could get us an address for a normal pizzeria. When I mentioned the concept of “Swedish pizza”, he reckoned there was no such thing.

 

“Dear Adam: this is a kebab pizza. It is an atrocity committed by the Swedish. Swedish pizza is SO a thing.”

 

Either ho, these fresh friendos went for ANOTHER walk. On the way we rummaged through trash and ate a dead bird so we wouldn’t starve but after another 30-minutes we stumbled upon our pizzeria: an Italian one.

 

I wish words could carry across the sensation of taste so I could describe how delicious this pizza was. True, eating at 9:20 PM probably played no small role in enhancing its flavor, but if you offered me a slice on a full stomach, I think I might just make some room.

                 Plus… this was my first meat dish in a loooong time. I am a vegetarian, but all the vegetarian options on the menu seemed bland. Not bad, just not something I would pay 12 euros for. The easiest way to spot if a restaurant doesn’t know how to make good vegetarian dishes is if they have one item with the word “vegetarian” in its name, and the pizza is just a cacophony of vegetables. I don’t know where we went wrong, but being vegetarian doesn’t mean I like bad food.

               Also, they had a pizza with chicken, banana and curry. I want you to think about that Adam.

 

You know how to best end such an adventure? By sleeping in a bed without a pillow or blanket. We thought we would have these things, but we were lied to. Though had we needed to sleep on the hardest part of the wall, I could have probably done it.

    Aight, that wraps up day 1 nicely. See ya'll next time. I should be getting more time now that my room is fitted and I'm getting all this homework to procrastinate on.

 

“The only “ugh tourists” photo I took, I promise.”

 

Next time on Visitor in Visby: stealing vehicles and petting cats.